ughhh thats fucked up!

ughhhh the same phrase is going over and over in my head
"You never had a chance"
dam thats fucked up!
i kinda got my hopes up for a moment there you know? i'll take u to hell and i'll take you to heaven baby.....but dammmmmmm u r a mean 1!

Now lets talk about Her
i love you....u mean the world to me. Theres NO1 out there tht i want more then i want you.
i never wanted to hurt you. I just want to be the only guy.
Me and You<3
Always and forever<3

.......

i havn't been writing alot/at all on here....things went bad..i'm outta here...i have no chance. no point in trying. i already did and now its like in return of all the shit i'v done i get a smack to the face. you may think its funny but u have no idea how much that shit hurts. i loved you but u never loved me.
you could have told me. you let me have to see this...
whats he got that i don't have?
who is he that i'm not?
i told u i'm always here for you...
but r u always here for me? i lied. i h8 liers...
now after that being said i don't know wat to do with liers. they talk the talk but when u tell them to walk they make up bullshit so they can keep talking...
i know some of you out there love me.
i love those that care for me...not those that lie to me.
i did love you...you lier. but after some things went down right in front of my eyes...i can take it anymore..
u gave me mixed messages....u love him, you don't, you love him, you don't. make up ur fucking mind and chose ur path.
but who am i to talk right?
i'm not in ur picture anymore...i was cut out and some1 else was put there.
wat else am i suppose to say to you?
don't get me wrong i still love you..i truely do.
and thanks to Angelsbaby for talking to me every night<33
Thx Angels....<3

seriously...

FML

i'm here

u know i got u...
u know i'm here
u know i love you
i can't go that path..
i love u more then a friend.
u live and u learn...
i can learn to understand..if not then teach me.
thats why ur here.
i did wat i could..u never accepted that.
now i'm starting to wonder did u rlly mean it when u said u love me....
i still love u
i still wanna be with u...
i'm still here and i always will be...

DEAD

"its over"
over it is...just like my life
just don't even think of me...
just 4get i ever existed...
idk why but i didn't get a chance..
JUST 1 chance.
u are my everything...
u r my heart...
with out u i'm nothing
i AM Nothing
i am worthless
i am a fuck up
i am Dead.

i love u....always and forever<33
please give me another chance babe...
i cryed myself to sleep after u left...
I RLLY LOVE YOU<3

literally on the edge

idk wtf to do anymore...u talk to him like u want him to fuck u so hard...
its like ur kissing ass to him just so u can get something...
i'm starting to believe u like him...no...not like but love.
its strange cuz u get mad when i'm talking to other girls...
and when u talk to other guys u think its cool.
"ohhhh ur soo adoreable".
if hes so adoreable...then why do u need me?
WHY AM I HERE?
ever since we'v been 2gether u never said things like that to me...
i don't even get an "i missed u today"
u have to know how much i love you, how much it hurts me to see u say shit like that to another guy instead of ur own BF.
tell me how would u like it if i talked to other girls???

Last Night

last night was fun...i loved it..we laughed and talked and enjoyed each others company..i loved last night. i would do anything for it to happen again.
i hope u were happy that i stayed up with u all the time...we even slept on cam together<333
i hope u got my msg on my wall i left you..lol. babe something about u just makes me go on...its like i'm the car and ur my gas.... without u i don't go anywhere in life...
i hope u enjoyed last night like i did...can we do it again tonight???
i would really like that if we did... i love you babe<3 with all my heart...

P.S "ITS BLACK!"
lol babe it looks nice tho...=D
can we cam again tonight???

During the day

i feel worthless now...no1 believes me..i can't believe i fucked up again.
this whole time i really meant to show u wat i'm capable of. u think its lies, but i assure u its not. i didn't mean to fall asleep. if would be alot easier if we can talk during the day.
i know i fucked up...i just feel like dieing right now...end all the pain caused by me...
i'm srry babe. i rlly am.
and u have to understand the time diff...
u r the only girl i'v ever stayed up this l8 for.idk wat girl would stay up with me like that...
no1 but u babe. i love you. i'm srry.
i can't say i'll make it up to u tonight cuz u'll just think its a lie...but i can atleast tell myself i would...
everyday is a diff day...i'm srry i disappointed u...
i love you<3
and i'm srry
it would help if we can talk during the day...
Please babe...let me get one more chance to prove to u that i can do right...just 1 more chance.

Who am i to you?

u don't accept me for who i am...ur BF
i love you but idk if u feel the same about me...u don't accept me for who i am...
i can't keep away from other girls when u don't accept me.....when u refuse to tell me things..
i'm trying to focuse only on you. you are the one...but it seems like ur just ignoreing the fact that when u say u did this with some other guy it hurts me.
so the main question is....
Who am i to you?
am i ur BF?
or
am i just a nobody?
u say things that hurt me...but u never realize u have hurt me...
can't u pay attention to wat i feel every now and then?
is it really that hard?
who come u can say things about u and other guys but when i say things about me and other girls u get mad?
answer those for me...thats if u see me as some1 to even talk to...

Today was...a stressful yet fun day

today was just one of those days that makes u just wanna go home and eat and sleep and never wake up...
the kinda day that people with alot of things on their mind have...an unforgettable day
sooo many things cloud my mind but at the same time u clear it up when u talk to me...
ur mad cuz of that one time when some1 kissed me...i know ur hurt by that scene...but now u know how i feel.
i want u right here by my side. i want u to love me like i love u. u think i'm cheating...
i'v only cheated ONCE in my whole entire love life...but til this day she dosn't know about it..but i regret doing wat i did. every last bit of it. i want u to know that i'm always here for u...i will always want u for myself...i h8 it when u say u want to do something with some1 else...
but after all these things i think back into my day today and realize that today was fun in school...i'm honestly starting to enjoy school..i got to hang out with my friends..i got to talk and play around with my friends..like 4th period is my keyboarding class..an i was ahead of people so all i did was sit there and talk to the teacher about how this guy got his girl preg and he was only like 14 or 15....and i feel like she enjoyed me being there cuz she understood me..well more like i understood her but same shit..we get each other. and i was supposedly her man cuz i kept her updated with the time..LOL
Every1 shut down their comp and got up and walked to the door when we still had like 20 mins of class left..i told my teacher i was like "u know we still got like 20 mins left right?" and she just went off on those that were at the door waiting for the bell...it was funny..i love Ms. Osby..lol shes the most G teacher ever..lol
but after all...i am srry i keep falling asleep on you...i promise tonight is going to be diff..tonight is different babe...i want to prove to u that when i say something...i mean it.
i'm srry babe...ilysm<3
Happy 4 weeks<3

No Comment

like wow seriously...
not only did today suck really bad...i fell asleep in the class i didn't want to...and now this?
ppl r just pissing me off sooo much today...i really want to knock them out...but hey guess wat?...its the fucking internet cuz if it wasn't u would be long gone with a black eye atleast.
like for real get off my fucking nuts already...
i can't even spend time with my girl without some1 bugging the shit out of me...
honestly for all the shit that has happened today...this has got to be one of my most shitiest days ever...idk how much more i can take..
can i have some time with my girl atleast???

i know...

idk how many times i'v said it...but i really do mean it
you are my everything babe, you are my heart, my soul, my love.
i would never ditch you. i will never mean to treat you wrong.
i would never cheat on you. NEVER. i see us 2gether like one big heart...i'm half and ur half.
2gether we make a heart. an unbreakable heart. nothing/no1 can make my love for u fade away.
when i first saw u, i new right away that we were meant to be.
but theres times where u don't talk to me too...
how do u think i feel when ur laughing ur ass off with nico.
i know you love me...and i love you
i don't like her. we are just friends...
she talks to me when u ignore/ditch me for other guys...
but no matter what i would never cheat on you..NEVER.
idc if shes says shes 10 times better then you...
i love you for you and i hope u feel the same about me.
i know ur having doubts..i don't mean to hurt you...i don't mean to make u depressed.
sometimes i feel like giving up..but then u come to my mind and i wonder..."how would she feel if i leave?".."i love her soo much and i don't want to hurt her" so i stay...u keep me going...u always have..ever since the begining.
babe...I LOVE YOU and i always will...
You and Me 2gether forever<3333

i love you

i didn't do anything with her....
idk how many times i have to say it..but i'm srry
it just happened...i didn't mean for it to..i didn't want it to..
i know it would ruin our relationship...babe i love you..i really mean it...if i didn't love u...i wouldn't beg for ur 4giveness, i wouldn't be here.
I LOVE YOU
i know u think i don't inderstand u...
i know u think i'm prob useing u...

well i do understand you, i understand that u do love me but sometimes i don't see it cuzur being serious with me....

and I AM NOT useing u...why would i??? i don't wanna use you. i love you for you
i tried to change u b4...it didn't work out...so we live and we learn...i really just feel like crying sooo hard....

i wish all of this never happed....i wish i can go back in time and just stay in the same fm room u were in....
i'm srry...=(
i love you

idk wat else to say other then I'm sorry and I love you more the anything.

i'm innocent...for the first time

idk wat i was thinking....i'm srry..i can beg u all night..i'm srry, i'm srry, i'm srry
i didn't do anything...please..i'm soooo srry..
i love u more then anything...Why would i cheat on you??
WHY?
i don't have an answer for that...
but i didn't kiss back...she tryed to make a move...i'm srry..i'm urs...i'm ur property now..i always have been...
its your birthday...and i really want to make u happy...i left my friends for u..
i left trick-or-treating for you<3
its ur birthday...u deserve the best..
i'm srry baby..
srry and Happy BirthDay<33..


i'm srry..i love you more then anything/any1<33

LOL hahahaha

ok so today we just straight out FUN...
this morning i woke up and got to talk to Angels..=D
she makes me feel happy about who i am....
she makes me smile when i'm down
she turns my frowns upside down
she accepts me for who i am
and i thank her for all the love shes givin me...
Thank you angel......thank you..
i am happy i got to talk to u about things this morning
But afterwards i went to school...thats when the real fun began!

First Period
i went to first period today!...and actually stayed awake...o.o..but anyways my friend wasn't here today so i couldn't talk to her...but i was messing with my teacher today..LOL..he said stop saying ugly things to each other..ur already ugly enough..i was like "sir, i'mma send u to the office"..LOL
he sent me to the office and i got RAC(reassignment room)..lol..then near the end of class..he moved me cuz i was talking too much..o.o GAYYYYYYYYYYYY

Second Period
ughhhh chemistry...today was i guess a fun day in chem...I ACTUALLY STAYED AWAKE!
but supposedly today was a "make-up day" but WE DID LECTURES AND SHIT! i was like "wtf i thought it was a make up day"..but we just talked and had fun..then we had DRUMLINE!
Drumline is the shit....=D

Third Period
Spanish class....Spanish class went by soo fast today...first thing i noticed was that it was freezing in that class. idk but i think my spanish teacher turns the a/c on just to freeze us to death cuz theres soooo many dumb freshmens in there....but thats just my thought. i actually did my work in there and enjoyed it today...i have spanish HW but idk if i should do it...its supposed to be a FUN WEEKEND!..i had a green slushie and OMG it was SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD....
it cost me 1$..=D


Fourth Period
i couldn't wait for this class...i was a caption and i couldn't wait to just chill back and watch my members/victims work..=).. but then i realized that i was ahead and i didn't have to do shit..so i layed back and chilled til the bell rang...then my weekend started..

On the way home w/ my mom
well...on the way home my mom was turning the dam radio up and down...and i asked her when she was gonna give me the 260 she owed me..i told her i want to buy the new ipod that can record...she said she dosn't have shit...thats why we r moving back to cali...and thats when we rode home silently..listening to the radio...

While i'm typing this
i stumbled upon something i can't stand seeing...it has dug down to my core and now i'm just lost in love...
WHY do u say u love me me obviously u don't?
WHY are you still with me if u love some1 else?
WHY?
wat am i doing wrong now...?
if u don't love me and u love some1 else..PLEASE tell me..
if u rather call some1 else "hun" instead of me...tell me why...
tell me why would u call him "hun" when u know thats wat i want u to call ME
Tell me....
why?

BUT after all today was a very fun day at school....
i would do anything just to live this day again...
ANYTHING

Saviour

today was a fun day in school...we watched a movie in first period...it was a good movie..
second period i just hung out and talked with my friends....
third period we did this fun group project and my group won!!! =D
fourth period i did work....for the whole class time
but even tho i was having fun....i was thinking of you..
of how u want a Saviour ..
i am your saviour...i hope i am
i missed you...
but your words are planted it my head...and everyday they are getting bigger and harder to ignore..
i don't deserve this...
i can do better. but i love you
and idc wat other ppl say about me...its you i'm worryed about
i had fun today but it won't go away
just give me some word i can engrave on my heart that will remind me of you...
i hope i am...
i want to be...
i wonder if i can be...
i think i am...
but do u see me as one?
am i.....
your saviour???

Late

i stayed up late talking to her....
i'm really tired and have to go to school...i wish she was here so she can hold me tight.
school sucks but u have to do it. "Everyday another A" some1 once told me...its hard to do that when u have soooo much on ur mind..every1's brain is seperated into 2 parts..the left side and the right side...
both of my sides are focused on one thing...my heart's dedication. Her. She makes me who i am right now..
its been about 3 weeks and about 3 days now...i don't regret anything much.
i'm in love
i'm late for school..>.<

Where am i?!?!?!

It all started on 10/6/09
Thursday, October 29th, 2009

If only you can see the dmg you'v done to me...

idk.....if theres one thing i know...this world has many challenges....
most of them people seek to for fill...but i'v dreamed too big....
everyday i think that special some1 can change my mood...make me happy, make me better, make me stronger to keep me going.
i know i'm not the cutest...i know i'm not the best.
but it would help if you appreciate me for who i am...
i never felt this way about Anyone....u make me happy everytime i talk to u...
BUT.....
i have these thoughts....of wat to do but its just too much for me..i can't let go
i think..Where am i in all of this...where do i fit in...
i try and try to make u mine...i tryed and tryed to make u happy
i stay up l8 for u...every single night...
idk wat i do to get the treatments i get...but no matter wat happens I love you...always and forever<3...i> are the one to cheer me up, when i'm down and i talk to u its like i'm turned upside down...i fall....i fall for you. But u tought me soo much, u tought me friendship, emotions, and love.

Sometimes ur teaching gets me lost. u say u love me..but ur over here spamming another guy's name with hearts and bby attached to everything u say. i never get that. i never had u talk about me like that. i will always love u..its just ur words hurt. they hurt deep down inside...in my heart..theres only u..u are my heart..u are my everything..i love u to death.
i really just want to get away and join the Army at times. it will help me build character and respect. things have got me thinking...what am i gonna do with my life..
i will do ANYTHING for u...as long as it makes u happy
i will stay up all night to talk to u..cuz thats all i ever want to do

yesterday in school...all i thought about was you...all i talked about first period is how i love you...and how long we'v been 2gether...everyday is a new day...i appreciate it all.
its worth the wait
i will do w/e it takes to make u happy....
aslong as ur with me...we both can be happy
Happly ever after.....u and me..2gether for as long as we can be.

In the end of each day...i wonder
Where Am i???